Things You Don't Know About Women

I am married to a man who has a very strange passion -- collecting airline miles. Everything we do revolves around it in some way, shape or form (yes, I know those of you who've met him find this hard to believe, but sometime when I'm NOT around, ask him about it. Make sure you have an hour or two to listen to the answer - you're going to need it). We have two credit cards and I'm told when to use each and where, since it turns out that the cards give you double miles at various points, such as when you buy things during the month of May in grocery stores. I find this annoying and silly, since somewhere deep inside I do not find fulfillment and joy from airline mile accruement, but it keeps him off the streets and makes him happy. We all sacrifice for love!!

This means, though, that I have small amounts of airline miles on carriers we never use. It was very important that I get these miles. We had more moments than I can count where at 6am, some poor overworked, grumpy airline counter-person had to look up my number and sit there while I filled out the form to change my maiden to my married name.

But recently, I've had miles expire -- gasp! It's heart breaking for him.

One of the things American will let you do with expiring miles is exchange them for magazines. Now I need more magazines like I need a hole in the head, but I found myself taking my pool of miles and getting as many as I possibly could. Seven of them to be exact. And my choices were limited to guy kind of subjects. I got Field and Stream, for example. I just received my first issue and laughed for a solid hour reading through it - just the picture alone of men in orange and camouflage drinking beer while ice fishing while the sun comes up was priceless. But the magazine which has amused me most to my great surprise is Esquire. They sent me two issues at once, December and January, and I read them both cover to cover. You have no idea how absolutely fascinating this guy periodical is!! Check out an issue.

They have an article each month with the title of this blog entry. This month I'm about to quote is from Desperate Housewives Felicity Huffman. Anyway, here is a couple of my favorites from the 13 bits of advice she gives men:

1. Women also fantasize during sex.
2. If you want to see us naked more often, turn up the damn thermostat.
3. We can't hear a word you're saying if there are hairs coming out of your nose.
4. If you would just listen to us, we'd shut up.
5. Want sex? Fix something.
6. Women want empathy, not advice.
7. You would be crazy, too, if your insides fell out every twenty-eight days.
8. Some handy translations for men:

"You're working too hard." = "You're not spending enough time with me."

"What are you thinking about?" = "Do you still love me."

"Do you want to talk about it?" = "I want to talk about it."

"Fuck you. I can't stand you." = "Fuck you. I can't stand you."

*Heehee - hope you enjoyed those as much as I did.