One of the reasons I haven't been blogging recently (besides a summer cold and the complete panic attack I had over not being able to write a word for a solid week - yeah, I know - wah, wah, wah - I'm a big baby) is that I have so many extra things I'm doing besides writing that fall under the writing umbrella. You know - judging contests, critiquing new writer's work, being the treasurer of not one, but TWO RWA chapters, helping with a conference, helping with a party at Nationals, and the list goes on. This on top of trying to make a deadline.
As I sat in Wachovia setting up a bank account for the new Passionate Ink chapter the other day, I realize that I really struggle with the word "no."
The fact is, I feel guilty when I say no. Lots of people have helped me along my writer's journey and I want to give back. I don't want to be stingy, jealously hording my knowledge from my fellow author. I want to share like others have shared with me as I’ve gone up the ladder.
I once read in the RWR an article by some famous author (I forget who, but she's my hero) who sent out a letter to her whole apartment building saying that while she writes from home, she isn't going to accept her neighbors' packages, or walk their dog, or pick up their mail when they're out of town anymore. Essentially, she told them all to f-off. At the time, I laughed. Now I realize just how strong she really was and I admire her for it. I can only dream of being so kick ass!
It's hard to know our limits, hard to actually pre-plan enough to say no to judging a contest five months before you actually receive your entry packets. But some how I'm going to need to learn. Part of the problem is I'm just not sure how much is "just right." Of course, being treasurer of two RWA groups isn't "just right" but rather is obviously in the dumb ass zone.
On the way up to the mountains today, my husband practiced saying no with me. He'd ask me a question like "So, you wanna be the treasurer of our group?" and I would answer, "No." Just no, without an explanation that will allow the asker to further negotiate me into a corner.
One day, I figure I'll have given so much that I'll know for sure I've given enough back. Then the guilt will be gone.
But until then, I need to learn to be strong and keep my eyes on the prize --- if I don't sell because I'm too busy doing free workshops or critiquing other authors' work that I don’t finish my own, I'm not going to be doing much eating next year.
Any hints on how to accomplish this would be greatly appreciated, by the way. Post them here in the comments or email me at leighwyndfield@yahoo.com!
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7 comments:
Being scowly and antisocial would mean fewer people ask you do to things. Have you tried the sneaky grouch route? :)
I used to feel bad about saying no, too. But writing is my job and it must be done. People don't feel bad for telling us no because 'they have to work.' So I decided I wouldn't either. :)
I agree with Gena. Course I have a big problem saying "no" too. Good luck finding your "no" zone.
You know, I like that - THE NO ZONE - if I ever figure out the secret, I'm going to write a book about it, call it that and make a million dollars!
Thanks for the good advice all. I like the whole "it's my job" thing, since that's completely true. Although Jody might have an even better route with the scowly/antisocial bit. I won't have to say no if no one asks - LOL! Of course I'd be very lonely.
LOL I love that your dh is helping you practise saying NO ;)) I sympathise. I've got friends who call me a "lady of leisure" since I work at home and think they can call by whenever. I love 'em, but who do they think does the writing, I wonder? I'm trying to call it "my work" rather than "my writing" to drop a hint ;) Be strong!
Yeah, actually I just had the following conversation with an old work buddy on the phone about the lady of leisure thing:
Him: Hey, I'm sick of work and am sneaking out. Come see a movie with me.
Me: Dude, I'm working.
Him: Come on! You can write later. We're talking WAR OF THE WORLDS here.
Me: No. I'm on deadline.
Him: You've become really boring since you stopped working.
Me: I didn't stop working. I just stopped working at a job where I have a steady paycheck, health insurance and benefits.
It's easy to say no to that kind of stuff, though. It's hard when you're saying no to helping someone...
When my friends call round it's usually to ask for help, LOL, I used to be their mommy/agony aunt/social worker/babysitter. Now I have characters to nurture and sometimes have to say no. It IS hard.
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